15 Surefire Ways to Brighten Your Mood

It’s your job to regulate your emotions, even under stress. Whether you are starting off for the first time away from home, a parents facing an empty nest the fall, or just looking for new ways to cope with stress, these tips are for you! So how can you re-regulate when you’re feeling lonely, cranky, or down in the dumps?

1. Take a walk
    Walking serves many functions. It can be a distraction, exercise to increase your heart rate and get your blood pumping, or a change of scenery to help you shift your perspective.

2. Spend time in nature
    Take your walk out in the sunshine, or in the rain. Look around at the trees and the birds or the flowers or the cloudy gray sky. Appreciating the vastness of the natural world can leave you in awe and help you replenish your spirit.

3. Pray
    Throughout human history, almost every culture has used prayer in some form. Talking to your higher power, whether you understand Him to be a traditional religious deity you learned about in Sunday school or the unknown forces operating in the universe, provides meaning, clarity, and hope.

4. Meditate
    Meditation is the practice of focusing your mind very intently on something simple, like your breathing or the flame of a candle, and then holding your mind there and/or being patient with yourself while you observe how difficult such a simple task can be. Meditation can be used as a spiritual practice or a way to clear out the constant mental movie of worry and conflict in your mind.

5. Call a friend
    Human beings are social creatures. Seeking out the support of someone who understands your emotions and your experiences is an excellent way to re-group.

6. Read a book
    Ideas in books can open your mind, take you to new worlds, help you see your own struggles played out within the story, or help you step outside your own experiences while you walk in some else’s shoes. Books can teach or entertain and often do both at the same time.

7. Breathe
    Many relaxation techniques use deep breathing. Take a long, slow breath in and count to 10. Then breathe out and count to 10 again. Repeat the process of breathing in and out while counting until you feel the tension in our body and mind relax.

8. Run in place
    Brief bursts of exercise raise your heart rate and increase breathing rate and blood flow, sending a surge of oxygen to your brain. Exercise improves mood and is a great tool even when you have only a few minutes to re-set.

9. Visualize
    Close your eyes and imagine yourself in the most relaxing place you can envision. Imagine all the ways your senses engage with this place. What do you see? Is it a white sandy beach where the waves crash against the shore? Or is it your grandmother’s kitchen with she smell of a freshly baked pie wafting from the oven? Visualize this soothing image. Place yourself there fully. And watch as your tensions are released.

10. Take a nap
    Sometimes the best medicine in this fast paced culture is a nice, quiet time to rest. Lie down. Turn off electronic devices and turn on the nice soothing sound of a fan or soothing music and snuggle up for a cozy nap. You’ll feel better when you’re rested. 

11. Burn a candle or incense
    Calming sensory experiences can help you change your state of mind. Candles, incense, and various essential oils can take you away from your stressors and into the rewarding sensations of aromatherapy.

12. Listen to soothing music 
    Music can shift your brain wave patterns. Fast, loud, aggressive music can put you in the mood for a big presentation or a job interview. Likewise, soft sounds can help you relax and unwind. The trick with music is to choose sounds that evoke the mood you wish to feel, not those that reinforce a mood you’re struggling to change. 

13. Make something- paint, draw, or sew
    Creating an art or craft can busy your hands and mind, and lead to the reward of a completed project to add a little lift to your spirits. If you’re afraid you might not finish, be sure to pick something small to increase your chances of reaping the rewards of completion.

14. Go to a bookstore or public library
    Bookstores and libraries are some of the only places where you can go and be surrounded by people, but not be pressured to make small talk. You can plop down in a comfortable chair and read without having to make a purchase. 

15. Eat
Sometimes your mood is off because you need to eat. Other times, getting a little treat can lift your spirits. Make yourself a healthy treat at the end of a long, hard day and relax. You’ll feel better!

Dr. Deuter is a psychiatrist who specializes in the care of emerging adults.

Responding to Crisis in the College Years

It’s almost time for the start of the fall semester at most colleges and universities. Does your family have a crisis plan if things fall apart for your student while he or she is away from home?

Your child goes off to college for one reason: to complete a college degree. Unfortunately, almost half the time, it doesn’t happen successfully. Why? Often because students hit major stumbling blocks and never recoup.

A crisis can come in many forms:

Missing classes
Failing grades
Substance use
Relationship Problems
Anxiety
Depression

Students in crisis may stop participating in their educations, or may risk being dismissed from school for poor grades, lack of attendance, or rule violations. 

You can help steer out of any crisis with the following steps:

Plan in advance: First, consider the possibility that things won’t go smoothly well in advance. As you begin, have a plan for how you’ll intervene if your child stops functioning/growing/benefitting from your arrangement to help them get an education.

It’s never too late to plan: Even if it’s not your first college semester, all families need a plan. A crisis doesn’t always happen in the first semester. Many students start off strong and then begin having trouble keeping pace in semester two or three or beyond.

Find out what went wrong: If your child ends up in crisis, try to understand what exactly went wrong. Does he have trouble getting to early classes? Is she overwhelmed with the number of courses she is taking? Most college failure is the result of non-academic skills- like organization and time management or behavior problems. Understanding the underlying issues can help you find solutions.

Ask for help: Seek guidance from a counselor, therapist, or educational professional to help define the problem clearly. Experienced professionals can help you define the problem, then help you come up with a plan to solve it.

Don’t send kids back without a resolution: If your child couldn’t handle college because he wasn’t coping well, or if she lacked skills, it’s important to make sure he or she has the lacking coping mechanisms and skills before returning to college to try again. Too often parents send kids back to college after a crisis without addressing any of the underlying issues that led to the crisis. Most of the time students with unresolved issues end up in crisis again.

Be kind: If your child has big college dreams and comes home feeling defeated, your disappointment or anger are just salt on the wounds. Warmth and patience will help your child and you.

But don't be a pushover. Allowing your adult child to get away with bad behavior will have your family stuck in a rut indefinitely. Being kind doesn’t mean letting your young adult run amok. Boundaries and rules are important tools for helping you son or daughter re-group.

Dr. Deuter is a psychiatrist who specializes in the care of emerging adults.

College Parents: 4 Ways to Prepare Yourself

Starting college is a milestone. For kids and for their parents.

If your child is going off to college this fall, you may be surprised at how stressed you feel. You're not the one going through a major life transition, right? Actually, transitioning into the college years is a new parenting stage for you, not just a big change for your son or daughter. College means you will be letting go of your chid, turning the reins over to him or stepping back and trusting her to function independently.

Here are 4 ways to prepare yourself:

Help your son or daughter prepare. You will probably instinctively want to help your new college student with the transition, but did you know you will be helping yourself in the process? When you discuss the adjustment to life away from home, you'll feel less worried about your child. When you go shopping for dorm supplies, you'll be assured your new college student has all the comforts of home. Whether you are supporting your child's emotional needs or stocking her up with supplies, prepping with your child helps both of you.

Prepare yourself. Expect to face some strong emotions. You might be sad, lonely, or lost when he leaves. The house will be too quiet. How will you cope with those emotions? Journal, talk to friends and loved ones, or visit with your priest, rabbi, or pastor for support. Don't underestimate the importance of dealing with your feelings.

Fill your time with something new. Sitting in your child's empty bedroom longing to have her home won't help you when she's off at college. If your life is going to feel a bit empty, fill the space with all the things you have been too busy to do. Have you ever wanted to take an oil painting class? Write a novel? Learn to play guitar? Now is the time! Schedule classes now to get started as soon as you return home from college move-in day.

Reconnect with your spouse. Parenting is a time intensive occupation and can leave partners feeling disconnected from one another. Maybe it's been years since your last date night. Plan something special after you child is safely situated on campus. How will you spend time together now that you have the opportunity? Will you travel more? Play more? Plan your next adventure. 

Dr. Deuter is a psychiatrist who specializes in the care of emerging adults.

Do Young Adults in Your Life Act Like Teenagers?

Have you noticed that some young adults still act like adolescents? You ask yourself: Isn’t he supposed to be more mature than this? Shouldn’t she behave as an adult by age eighteen? Even parents are confused when kids reach adulthood, but still seem like kids.

Actually, a young adult is not technically an adult, not according to social psychologists, and in recent years supported by neuroscience findings. He or she is an emerging adult.

Emerging adulthood is the stage in between teenager and adult. Over the past fifteen years, researchers have discovered that the human brain doesn't reach "adulthood" until around age 25. So if a young adult behaves like a teenager, maybe it is because she is more like one than you realize. An emerging adult is, in many ways, still similar to a teen. The brain is gradually moving toward adulthood from puberty until the mid twenties (or early even thirties). So of that twenty-two year old still behaves like she's sixteen, here are some ways to cope, and to encourage him or her to behave like a grown up:

Tips: 

Change your expectations. Now that you understand young adults are still growing up, try to adjust your image of this stage. If you're the parent of an emerging adult, your parenting role may not be finished just yet.

Give it time. Even the insurance companies know it gets better around age 25. In the mid twenties, there is a drastic drop in car accident rates and speeding, and lower insurance rates as a result. 

Talk to friends who've been there with emerging adults. It's helpful to have supportive friends who can reassure you that this is just a stage. Like living with a teenager, parenting an emerging adult can sometimes be stressful- especially if your expectations are unrealistic. Wise friends can help you adjust.

Communicate clearly. Set limits. A young adult who understands your expectations is more likely to meet them. Clarity is the key.

Dr. Deuter is a psychiatrist who specializes in the care of emerging adults.