By Michelle Mata, Guest: The Journey to Recovery

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Imagine being hit by an 18 wheeler and you try to get up to walk to safety with a broken leg and arm, a concussion, it’s dark out and you’re alone with no one to help you. Disoriented, in pain and alone. This is what it feels like for me living with depression and making it to the shower or simply living life.

But still, making the decision to begin my journey to Wellness was terrifying. I felt too broken to help myself. Recovering from a crisis, hospital stay or just struggling from the tremendous illness can be discouraging, but we can get better. Recovery is not the absence of symptoms it’s living life in spite of having a diagnosis. There are things that we can do to help us on that path to Wellness. When I started on my path I took it slow. I knew that it was not going to easy or quick. I accepted that. For me the small steps I took weren’t so small. They were huge and down right exhausting .

"Recovery is not the absence of symptoms it’s living life in spite of having a diagnosis."

During the darkest days of depression, like most people with this disorder, I couldn’t function. I lost my job of 5 years and after 2 years in college, I quit going. I couldn’t focus; I didn’t care anymore. Anxiety and panic attacks were consuming me every-time I was away from home. I didn’t know how to cope, so to keep the panic at bay, I stayed home. It seemed like running into someone I knew while getting my mail or at the grocery store was too much to handle. The looks I got, the many questions and not knowing how to answer, the phone calls that stopped coming in from friends and family. My depression got so severe that I didn’t have the energy for cooking, cleaning, showering, brushing my teeth, or even watching television. The dishes piled up, as did the trash and clothes. My meals, about once every 3-4 days (I think-those days were a blur), basically became a quick ham and cheese sandwich that I ate while walking back to bed. I probably spent about 18 hours a day in bed under the covers with the curtains closed.

Here are some basics on a journey to Wellness to help you on your own journey.

Get out of bed. Sometimes getting out of bed can be a challenge. Start small. Get out of bed and sit in the living room or outside for an hour. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Men- shave, trim your mustache or beard. Take a shower and put on clean clothes. Open the curtains to let the sun shine in. Read a book. Call someone. Journal. Put on make-up even if you have no place to go. I remember, one day feeling good after taking a shower and getting dressed. I put on some lipstick and perfume and went to go sit in my living room and watched a show. Yeah, I wasn’t ready to go out, but I felt good.

Maintain a clean living space. Wash a couple of dishes or put dishes away. I hate washing dishes, so I don’t mind spending money on paper plates. In the trash they go. No mess to clean. 

Wash a load of clothes (I remember throwing in 3 pants, 3 shirts, 3 pairs of underwear in the wash to have for the next 3 days). Clean one area a day.

  • Monday-kitchen
  • Tuesday-living-room
  • Wednesday-bathroom
  • Thursday-Wash/put clothes away
  • Friday-sweep, mop, vacuum and trash.

When my area around me is clean and neat I feel better. I actually sleep better too.

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Get out of the house. Get the mail from the mailbox. Walk down to the corner of your street or around your apartment building. Go with a family member or friend to store (if too much to be around so many people then stay in the car, but get out of the house.) Visit a friend or family member. Invite someone over and visit with them on the porch. Better yet meet them at your local library, park or go out for lunch or coffee. Attend a Support Group. Shop for your groceries. No online ordering. If you must opt for store pick-up and/or curb-side. The point is to get out of the house.

"There is help. You are not alone. Reach out. You matter. Believe you are worthy."

Volunteer. This works so well because the place and hours you donate can be set up to work with you and your needs. If you are not sure where to volunteer try and remember what brings you joy, what your passion is, what skills you have and go from there. Some places are on-going volunteer positions, some have time limit commitment. Some organizations/agencies have a one day commitment or a 2-6 hours one time event commitment. There are a multitude of volunteer opportunities to suit everybody. You just need to figure out how you would like to give back. When I was sharing and educating my community (volunteering) about mental health I started finding myself. Volunteering helped with reducing my anxiety episodes. I didn’t need to take so many PRN meds because I was feeling good about the work I was doing.

"Fourth day (in bed) flies by without a thought and before I know it it’s five years and I am still under the covers."

Educate yourself. Do you know what your diagnosis is? Do you understand the diagnosis? Learn about your diagnosis, your warning signs, what your triggers are, the benefits and risks of medications you are taking or will take. Ask your doctor (Psychiatrist, PCP, Nurse Practitioner) questions. What should you do if you experience side effects from the medications prescribed to you? When should you start noticing an improvement after starting medication? How much medication can I take to help alleviate some symptoms? If I notice I am relapsing what should I do? Learn about speaking up and how to advocate for yourself. Take a class like NAMI’s Peer-to-Peer or Mental Health First Aid. Join a Wellness group on-line or Face-to-Face. Check out books related to your Disorder. Educate and encourage your family and friends to learn about your mental health diagnosis and how they can help to support you. Who is in your support circle? Attend a Conference. Take a family member or friend with you. I have learned a lot about different treatments, coping skills and wellness programs from attending various conferences.

Live, don’t just exist. Having a mental health diagnosis doesn’t mean that life is over. Living with a diagnosis is (or can be) challenging, but you can have a full life; complete with career, family, home or whatever you want to do. There are accommodations at colleges and universities to help in any area. There are also on-line classes. Accommodations are available at work, too, if you choose to disclose to your employer about your diagnosis. You can have an assessment done to check where your strengths are and help in added training or support. Go to the SA Clubhouse to socialize and form friendships while you use your skills to help run the Clubhouse. Attend church, learn a new hobby, language or teach a class if you have a skill. Have fun. Eat Well. Sleep Well. Having a mental health diagnosis is only one aspect of my life. I am a mother, sister, grandmother, volunteer, crocheter, dancer and a voter, just to name a few. I used all my energy and efforts into focusing on my life rather then my illness.

"You see, if I am out line-dancing it means I am not at home in bed isolating myself and letting those dark thoughts take root. If I am out facilitating a class and helping to educate someone it means that I am not in the hospital."

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Something that happens to me when the depression gets really bad is that I stop doing the things in my life that keep me from isolating and the things that bring me joy. I stop doing them because my disorder convinces me that the anxiety and panic attacks are going to get worse. In truth, those things that I stop doing are the same things I need to do more of to keep me well. For me working on getting out of bed and taking a shower every day is huge. Because the first day I stay in bed and don’t shower makes it easier for me to stay in bed the next day. Then, on the third day it is so much easier to stay in bed because I have done it two days in a row. Fourth day flies by without a thought and before I know it it’s five years and I am still under the covers. Those small steps I suggested, for me, aren’t so small. They are crucial for my wellness. You see, if I am out line-dancing it means I am not at home in bed isolating myself and letting those dark thoughts take root. If I am out facilitating a class and helping to educate someone it means that I am not in the hospital. But, relapse, crisis, hospital stays, medication adjustments, therapy are still a part of my life still to this day. It happens. When it does, I just start back on my journey either wherever I left off or I start from the beginning again. Yes, again. Depending on what I experienced depends on where I am in my wellness, I pick up at that point. Some of the things I do are easy, others are challenging.

But remember: There is help. You are not alone. Reach out. You matter. Believe you are worthy.

Remember small steps. Recovery/Wellness is not a marathon. Life isn't meant to be Easy it is meant to be lived fully, free and NOW!

 

Posted on January 22, 2018 by Melissa Deuter.

Advocacy, Integrity, and MLKDay on My Anniversary

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Today is Martin Luther King Day. It is also my wedding anniversary. 18 years. These two notable days co-occurring automatically brings to my mind the same feeling: a deep reverence for people of integrity.

Dr. King brought a voice to ideas that changed the world. He stood as the face of a movement. My reverence for him is probably shared by many of you.

It may be less common, however, to feel the same admiration for a spouse. I married a man who is a remarkably principled person of integrity, so much so that he would never compare himself to someone like Dr. Martin Luther King and probably have trouble understanding the connection I feel. My husband Brian has a kind of quiet strength in his convictions. He commits himself to doing the right thing, always. It’s a quality that I have admired in him from the start. Sharing my life with a person of great integrity has led me to strive to do more of the right things, even when the right things are hard. And now through my work in the mental health field, I am often surrounded by similar people- who evoke the same deep admiration and respect and make me strive to create a better world. They go to great lengths to do what is right for the benefit of others, often with little concern about the personal costs.

 

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” C.S. Lewis.

 

Every day people of integrity stand up and fight for a healthier world, simply because this fight is what is right. Standing up for change can be unpopular. Change is hard. Some people stand on stage in front of a crowd like Dr. Martin Luther King did, and they help the world see what we must improve. Many others carry out those insights quietly day to day at home. They become the change. Both of these acts of integrity are beautiful and necessary. Someone must lead like Dr. King, and others, many others, must be brave enough to follow that lead in every day life and courageously do the right thing, always.

There is a great deal of work to do in the arena of mental health today. In many ways, it parallels the other civil rights movements of the past and present. Advocates, usually unpaid volunteers, fight for funding, services, and fair treatment of vulnerable people who cannot always stand up for themselves. They do this because it is ethical and right, even though they may not personally be recognized or rewarded for the work they are doing. Mental health advocates fight tirelessly for the change that needs to come.

People of deep integrity stand up and lead, and others of equal integrity listen and lead the efforts to implement real change in everyday life. Devoted parents organize events, take the microphone to inspire, and pull out their checkbooks to give for organizations like NAMI, and parents also walk into treatment rooms with open minds and ask how to make things better day by day at home for their suffering kids of all ages. Brave patients seek care for themselves, and then find the strength to become advocates and leaders themselves. Victims share their stories to teach us all.

The world gets better when people of integrity have the strength and courage to move forward together, even when the work is long and difficult to carry out. On Martin Luther King Day, let us all act on the strength of our convictions and stand up for a better world, whether we stand at the front of the crowd or quietly live out change in our everyday lives.

Posted on January 15, 2018 by Melissa Deuter.

Lost at Sea: Mental Health Crisis in the Young Adult Years

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Mental health crisis often hits just as young adults are attempting to leave their families and create lives of their own. It’s no surprise that a mental health problem can leave a young adult feeling directionless on the journey toward fully independent adulthood. Young adults are hit harder than any other stage by the effects of a new mental illness. To understand why, we need to look at development.

Human beings are remarkably adaptable to our environments. Most of us absorb language and culture with no effort at all as small children. We are designed to sponge up this hidden knowledge at different stages of our development, supported by the brain’s balance at each unique stage.

Imagine how limited language and cultural learning would become if a young child spent most of her time isolated, in silence. Environment alters the course of development at key stages. Forming language in early childhood has a lot in common with forming identity in early adulthood. First, the brain is wired to receive the fundamental lessons of the stage, and then life experiences shape the outcome.

If my late teens and early twenties are filled with academic success and solid friendships, it’s reasonable to expect that I will learn to believe I am capable and likable. By contrast, if those years are marked with failure and rejection, I’m more likely to believe myself incapable and unlovable. The late teens and twenties are a time for experimenting in the world, and learning to understand our personalities, strengths/weaknesses, and interests.

So, what then is the impact of the growing mental health crisis of our current youth? When record numbers of teens and twenty-somethings take psychiatric medications and receive diagnoses that label them with life long brain diseases, what do they believe about themselves? Perhaps that they are broken and will never live normal lives. This leaves young people lost, adrift during a developmental stage that shapes identity.

How can mental health professionals help mitigate the effects of a new illness on identity formation?

  • To start, professionals can change the way we educate young patients and their parents. Too many young adults are told after a first episode of illness to expect a life of chronic disease, despite the reality that this is simply untrue for a large percentage of them. Instead, professionals can tell patients to continue treatment, and work with their healthcare team to make decisions, but that many people with mental illness achieve a full recovery. Some patients reach a point where treatment is no longer necessary, and others live healthy lives with simple long-term treatments.
  • Also, we should maintain an awareness of development and discuss how various stages of brain and social development lead to transient symptoms, which might pass with time and improved coping skills.
  • And finally, professionals can do more to offer hope. “You’re not stuck this way,” should be our refrain for all of the people suffering and seeking our help.
Posted on January 8, 2018 by Melissa Deuter.

For a Happier 2018, Change Just One Thing: Your Expectations

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Happy New Year!

If you wonder what the photo above has to do with this post, read on.

It’s the dawn of a new year, and for many, new resolutions for change. Most people set their sights on ways to be happier and healthier. Maybe you vow to drink less, exercise more, or stay better connected with your friends and family. But will your resolutions really lead to greater happiness?

For most of us, following through on our resolutions won’t be enough to make us happier day-to-day. To understand what it takes to be happier, it helps to begin with an understanding of where our un-happiness comes from.

People are happy when reality turns out to be as good, or better than they imagined. In other words, when our expectations are met or exceeded, we are pleased. When life turns out to be less or worse than pictured, we feel disappointed, let down, and unhappy.

But then it’s important to note that we all tend to have pretty unrealistic expectations. When there is no traffic, I can drive to the office in about 30 minutes. However, it routinely takes quite a lot longer in morning rush hour. If my expectation is always 30 minutes, I’m going to suffer a lot of disappointment and only the rare sense of satisfaction. Expecting it to take 45-50 minutes for the commute means that if I get there in 35, it feels like my luck has hit an upturn.

If you’ve ever met a person who appears truly happy, he wasn’t necessarily the one with the most perfect life. In fact, if you think about the truly happy folks you know, they usually aren’t the ones who are rich and beautiful, they are the ones who find beauty in the little things. The happiest guy around is the one who is most able to accept his world just as it is right now.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Sure, that’s easy for some people, but I’ve got real problems!” In truth, moments of happiness can be part of every life, even when things aren’t easy in the slightest. I recall a lovely patient (she was treated for anxiety) who experienced happiness and beauty while she was dying of cancer. She was deeply grateful for the love and kindness that surrounded her. How did she find beauty in such terrible circumstances? She resisted the temptation to compare her cancer reality to a healthy reality, and instead she took each event as it came.

Even for people struggling with illness, moments of happiness or well-being don’t have to be elusive. Expectations can dictate greater or lesser degrees of suffering.

There are pleasant surprises all around us, if we can only accept them as they come. Take for example the picture attached to this post: I found it while searching through stock photos, and it was pleasantly entertaining. It’s a little unexpected for sure, but I hope you accepted it with a smile!

Happy 2018.

Posted on January 1, 2018 by Melissa Deuter.