Casting Light

What do parents do? Why are people so fascinated and confused about what we need to be and do and provide as parents? I read an article this morning that declared parents had a very important role in shaping morality. Elsewhere I read that parents protect children and teens from danger. Yet another article stated that parents are ever present, and that’s the core of what they do.

I think parents do so much more than teach morality, protect, and be present. If it were that simple, why would we read so many parenting articles?

To see the importance of what parents provide, one only needs to look at the darkness people carry when parents fail them. The scars of unhealthy childhood can lead to relationship problems, addiction, even mental illness. A parent’s job is casting light into the life a growing child, rather than darkness.

Parents instill children with a sense of how much (or how little) they matter. When parents are unable to show kids that they matter, those kids grow into adults who struggle with meaninglessness, powerlessness, and feelings of being undeserving.

Parents mirror back to children silent messages about whether the child is “enough.” Good enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. Strong enough. When parents are unable to show kids that they are enough, children grow into adults who feel like no achievement is sufficient and no success makes them worthwhile.

Parents show children what it is to be in relationship with others. As the first, closest relationships for children, parents carve the template. In this role, parents can show that love is gentle and kind, or that love is unpredictable, hurtful, or dangerous.

Parents shape skill sets for life. The work of parenting produces a ready adult, one who is prepared for independent life on his own. When parents are unable to support the growth of a skill set, children grow into uncertain adults who struggle with problem solving and lack courage to figure things out on their own.

These may seem like daunting responsibilities. But being a good parent doesn’t require perfection.

·      Be loving.

·      Be patient.

·      Tune in.

·      Give freely.

·      Keep the end goal (a healthy adult) in mind.

Posted on March 20, 2017 by Melissa Deuter.

Gratitude

Gratitude can be used to improve your immediate state of mind. Practicing gratitude can leave you less stressed, more connected, and more positive. The use of gratitude can be taught to children of all ages, as a tool to calm down, see things differently, and feel better. 

 Gratitude alleviates:

Worry

Stress

Dissastisfaction

Impatience  

Gratitude brings: 

Connection

Love

More good in one's life

Feelings of peace

Calm

Gratitude shapes perception: 

Toward the positive

Away from lack

To a sense of the plentiful

Practicing gratitude yourself, and teaching it to loved ones, is easy. Simply call up in your mind an image of something for which you are grateful. It can be anything, big or small. And then shift your attention to notice how gratitude makes you feel. Dwell there. Wallow in your gratitude. 

If the exercise if difficult, give yourself a bit of grace. Take a breath and let it go. Try again, with other images. Maybe you are grateful when you imagine the innocent little face of a child you love, or the antics of your adorable pet. Perhaps you're grateful for the trees or the sunshine. Maybe even an object, like your new laptop, or a good book. There are myriad ways to bring up the feelings of gratitude, and one is no better (or worse) than another. As long as you can find a small kernel of appreciation, and then focus there. 

You can carry this exercise anywhere, to comfort and replenish, or to brighten your mood. Gratitude is a gift. Use it. Teach it. 

Posted on March 13, 2017 by Melissa Deuter.